fariewytch77: (Default)
First Post in Dreamwidth.

Well the transfer over from LJ is done. Looks like everything transferred over just fine. Seeing as I haven't been able to get to LJ for a while since my password resets weren't working. I'm really glad this last password held out long enough for me to transfer the information over. It's time to delete LJ.

Dreamwidth has a feature I'm going to have to test, it appears you can post using an email. Emailing my Dreamwidth account so that it posts for me sounds like an interesting feature.

I've missed being able to journal. It's a wonderful place I can say what I want to without judgement or worries.

Tomorrow I have a job interview with the company my husband works for. It would be a big change for me but it is also only 15 minutes from home vs the 3 1/2 hour round trip commute that I currently have. I want this job for so many reasons. Besides getting me a way from Mega Bitch (MB) at work, it gives me so much more time to do things I have been wanting to do. I'll get to drop off and pick up my kiddies daily, something that I have never been able to do. I can join a gym and go to yoga regularly at normal work hours, I can start working on getting certified for teaching yoga, I can help cook dinner at home and best of all I can do all this during the time that I would normally be on my commute which means at night I can write, watch TV, cuddle with the hubby and just relax something that I don't do now unless its after 11 PM.

The down side to the job, it is a receptionist type position that will probably bore me with in the year, I will have 3 weeks of vacation/sick instead of 5 of vacation + 2 week of sick leave annually, no seniority, pay more for insurance, and will still have no place to grow.

All that being said it still has better than dealing with MB. This woman has made my life miserable for the last 18 months at work and as per my job there is nothing they can do about it. There has been no written write ups by my supervisor (his bad), our administrator (who should have known better), and none of this made it to HR as it should have. But hey its all good cause my supervisor is retiring and she is probably about to become the acting supervisor and possibly my boss, so we just have to get along and work together. BULLSHIT!!!! It not all good. I would rather and will quit before she is in charge of my and my work. So I guess that means I have to leave. Since I have to leave I might as well be close to home.

I have asked Hecate to help me find the right job, so if I don't get it I know its not right, but I'm really hoping its the right one. They are the only ones to call back so far and though its not confirmed yet I am pretty sure I have to the end of this month before I have no choice but to leave. so maybe it's a sign that it is the right job for me.

Well here's to hoping. Fingers crossed.
fariewytch77: (Default)
The Longest Night

The sun goes down on this the longest night

The moon rises slowly to cast it's eerie light

The chill that fills the nocturnal air

Has nothing to do with December's flair

It is here, the time has come

Excitement rises as we await the outcome

Though the night till the early morn

We feast & praise & blow our horn

Fire's that are lit burn hot & strong

Calling to the light like an evocative song

And the light it returns at the break of dawn

Reborn & renewed & as young as a fawn

We all rejoice & dance in the sun

Playing & laughing with our loved ones

Yuletide Blessings we carol & say

May the light grow stronger each & every day

Happy Yule
fariewytch77: (Default)
Retirements

The chief investigator where I work is retiring today. I have now know this man and worked with him closely for over 17 years. For the next 6 months if we are lucky he will be on a forced retirement leave and then the retirement system will allow him to come back to work. Weird system but after 30 years everyone deserves at least a 6 month break. I glad for him and even more glad that he is planning on coming back, but after 17 years of seeing him regularly, the idea of his retirement has left me feeling ungrounded. It’s amazing how fast time has gone. When I started at my office I was 23 and there were over 40 people ahead of me in seniority in my office. As of tomorrow, only 3 people from my starting date will remain, making me 4th in seniority. I’m also one of the 4 who have been here more than 15 years; the next closest has only been here 11-12 years. Wow! I mean wow. So much has changed. His retirement is bringing about some changes and over the next 6 months our office will run playing the waiting game. It’s made for some nervous energy in the office. We have already had one other person suddenly retire not wanting to deal with the upcoming changes. It should be interesting. We’ll see how we get by… Still I find myself feeling very emotional.

Promotions

To add to those emotions, in a completely different direction, hubby accepted the managerial supervisor position at his job today. He has only been with the company since January but was asked to apply for this new position by the two other supervisors (one of them being his current supervisor) and by his big boss who as of two weeks from now will be his direct supervisor. It’s a big pay bump for us and makes this the 3rd big bump since last August for our family. First was my promotion to Paralegal, then hubby leaving the shop and joining this company, and now his promotion there. I am so proud of him! It’s bittersweet that it comes a month before his father is supposed to officially close the shop. (Supposedly the lease has already been signed and the sale of things has begun) I know it hurts him and I know he is nervous about the changes but for me it’s a chance for him to shine where his father would never have let him. Still I am very emotional about this, both happy and sad for him and so very excited too.

Life

It’s funny how life works. So much happens it groups, its days weeks, even months of minor activities then suddenly everything happens at the same time. September will begin a rush of things that promises to keep me hopping for the next few months. Three bridal showers, three weddings, Wanderlust, EMLC Annual meeting where I am running for First Officer, TTT Festival in December, Halloween, Samhain, Thanksgiving, Yule, Christmas, a cruise in January, rededication, my baby girls 9th birthday, new promotion which might take hubby to Alabama for a few weeks, a Lindsey Sterling concert I’m hoping to attend with friends, and so much more. It’s like life has hit fast forward and I need to keep up. To top it off, on Sunday I was looking at my baby girl and noticed that her breast area looked puffy. Upon further inspection I realized that it was a swelling of the nipples and an ever so slight definition of breasts. BREASTS!! As in boobs, as in bras, as in puberty!!!! I just wanted to cry. She’s growing up on me. It’s amazing to think that, but it’s true. So much is going on. So much is bursting and blooming around me. It’s pretty amazing and very emotional.
fariewytch77: (Default)
Note: I wrote this on Wednesday but forgot to post.


The results are mostly in and I would say by birthday was not a complete success, but has been pretty good so far. In my last post I said how the 5 days before the day of and the 5 days after could be fair game to disaster, or something like, so let me catch you up.

Five Days to go – Last Wednesday

My son who regularly forget to charge his phone had failed again to remember this oh so simple and very important task, so on the way to drop him and my daughter off at camp while in ridiculous traffic for a non-school week, I am ranting and raving at him at the need to be responsible and what if there was an emergency when I looked out the front of car and say smoke. Yes smoke!!! I though oh oh who is having car problems, and then I realized that it was me. So I pulled over into the closest gas station and checked out what was going on under the hood. Sure enough the steam was coming from my cars radiator section. Now I have known that my little car was having some issues and that one of the fans was not working properly, but everything had been maintaining. Luckily I saw the steam early on and my once hubby came back for us, he was pretty sure that the traffic with one working fan caused the radiator to overheat and the cap didn’t hold the pressure so it went pop. He was mostly positive that I hadn’t killed the radiator or the motor. Since it was still working, we drove the car to the family shop and left it there for parts to arrive. Got back into the car dropped off the kids and camp and a whopping 2 hours later I made it to work. Now this is not the best way to start off the countdown to b-day but, I shook it off and counted myself lucky that it was a minor and someone expected break, it could have been much worse. I could have not realized it and killed my car. The rest of the day was uneventful for the most part.

Four Days to go – Last Thursday

Was a completely regular day…I held my breath. I did find Greenman Brewery Porter in my local Total Wines.

Three Days to go – Last Friday

This was a great day. I left work early to have a mani-pedi done, got my nails painted purple felt very pampered. It’s always a good way to start your Friday, a short work day and a pampering session, ah. Jorge picked me up and we got the kiddies and when home to play Cards Against Humanity with my very awesome and witchy friends. It was a blast. Lots of Wine, lots of laughter, lots of raunchy and awesome cards and best lots of fun!!!! I also got gifts…. I got a beautiful Hecate Tile, more wine, beautiful Seership Key earrings that I can’t wait to wear, Hyssop Oil, and a CAH type expansion pack. They were awesome. But honestly the best part was just having everyone over and having fun. It was one of the best birthday celebrations I have ever had…PERECT!!!!

Two Days to go – Last Saturday

and Crash and burn….. Saturday morning I woke up early. It was not a planned day but we did have my daughter’s meet and greet at her school to attend. There was some question as to if my car would be repaired after the meet and greet or what else we would do, but nothing was solidified. I decided to go for a walk to and maybe make the three mile mark that day (preparing for Wanderlust in October). Convinced my mom to go walking with me, but she is limited on how much walking she can do so we agreed I would walk to the park, about 3/4’s of a mile away just past my grandmother’s house. She would meet me there, we would walk the ½ mile up and ½ mile back, where she would then go back home via car and I would hopefully walk back home adding an extra half a mile at the end to make the 3 miles. So off I went, walking, listening to music, great rhythm going and suddenly wham, I’ve tripped getting onto the side walk and after a few stumbles I crashed straight into my grandmother’s chain-link and bush covered fence. I was stunned a disoriented for a few minutes, my mom arrived with my brother who was driving her just after it happened. This of course lead to a trip to the hospital emergency room, a CT Scan (which revealed no concussion, thankfully), a tetanus shot (OUCH), and an order of no stressful activities for the next few days (There went Yoga by the Bay the next day). Still again it could have been worse. I did not ultimately twist and fuck up my ankle (the one I had surgery on two years ago), I did not have a concussion, they did not have to stich me up and cut my hair. Oh and nobody caught it on video and put it on YouTube. The rest of the day was pretty much get some rest and make sure nothing else feels worse.

One Day to go – Last Sunday

On Sunday we woke up to made a very late breakfast, hung out, then got all prettied up to go the Melting Pot with some friends for a grown up double date to celebrate my birthday. We had a delicious dinner, a couple of Apple Martini’s, lots of fun, and my hubby and I convinced them to go on a cruise with us in January. This couple is a couple than hubby and I go out with a lot. Their 3 girls and my 2 kiddies are all in the same age range usually means we are outnumbered, but even so going on vacation with them is a blast so it’s something I look forward to. We just got back from Aquatica earlier this month and they had already been asking when we were going on vaca together again. They’re family, and as much fun as Friday was, Sunday was my perfect in a completely different way. Afterwards we went home and got the kiddies ready for the first day of school.

The day of…. IT’S B-DAY!! I’m officially 39

Let me say again it is also the first day of school. So I knew this was not going to be a great day. I am not blaming it on what I consider my birthday curse, it just the way it is. The first day of school is fraught with issues. Late buses, confused schedules, and hellish traffic are all part of the wonders of a new school year. That being said I was all off that day, so I did not have to take that traffic to work. We dropped off the kiddies at their prospective stops and then when to Lots of Lox for breakfast. Had a wonderful and relaxing breakfast, then hubby and I headed back to the family shop so I could read and he could fix my car. Once the car was done, we headed home and relaxed for a little bit. Had some awesome birthday sex and relaxed some more. Then reality intruded and we headed off to a quick lunch and to pick up the nephew, and the kiddies, then to get stuff from Publix so hubby could make one of my favorite meals a Spanish version Sheppard’s Pie that my Mother-In-Law introduced me to and some really delicious Red Velvet Cake. One dinner and Happy Birthday Song, a bunch of Happy Birthday Wishes via text, phone, and facebook, and a few more gifts later I wrapped up my birthday with a warm and happy feeling. It had not been the greatest of days, but it had been a good one!!!!

One day after…. Tuesday

So traffic was not any better on day two HELL!!! I was late to work by thirty minutes and was lucky it was only thirty. My brother, who was supposed to walk my son to the bus stop, let him walk most of it by himself (not cool), he was picked up only 15 minutes late and only got to school twenty minutes after the first bell, but really its only day two. Oh and I realized that I am going to have to throw my soon to be sister in law, whom I don’t really know, a bridal shower, cause she doesn’t have family here and my mother in law is already helping with all other things wedding. So bridal shower planning began. I have to say unfortunately this sounds like regular kinda day for me, so I’m calling it a wash. Oh but the natural disaster now looks to be heading our way….. At least if it hits, it will be after the 5 day mark so Smiles. Also went to dinner with the witches before heading over for Georgian Training, the day had a good ending after all.

Two Days after…..Today

Since for the most part this has been a good birthday, lots of ups and downs, but the downs could have been so much worse, and the ups were really good and even great ups I’m calling it a success. I’m going to stop counting the days after today and just say that all is good. We have a looming storm sure, but a few days of rain and maybe an extra day off from work sound good to me. I have a shower to plan with my MiL, which I’m hoping to make fun and light since it looks like my new SiL’s parents didn’t get there Visa approved and may not make it to the wedding, so I get to do some bonding (it’s been a while). I have a full calendar of events from here to March and I just put in my candidacy for First Office of our local council. OMG this is going to be a crazy 39. It will be my 40th before I know it. Maybe I’ll consider a full B-Day bash to officially break the run of bad birthdays. One whole year to consider, hmmm…
fariewytch77: (Default)
It’s that time of year again, Birthday time. This time of year I get anxious, what will go wrong this year? Will I be sick, will there be a catastrophe, will there be a death, or will it be a blissfully quiet and uneventful birthday. Yes it says a lot about my previous birthdays but there it is. The 5 days before, the day of, and 5 days after my big day I often wish I could hid under a rock and not come out.

This year my loving and wonderful hubby who hates to see me suffer though this thing called a birthday has decided that he wants me to have great birthday this year. He wants me to actually celebrate it. I was terrified. I’m like do you mean celebrate the day, the week, or the whole month because I don’t think I can handle the much celebrating you know. And he’s all like at least the weekend, we can keep it small, but you’re celebrating. So after some debate I settled on the fact that apparently I was celebrating my birthday this year.

Of course when hubby says at least the weekend I really should have known better. We had decided to go on a mini vacation with some friends and their kids to Orlando to go to Aquatica and my friends tell us they want to take us to Kobe a Japanese Steakhouse that my friends love up there. To my surprise what do I get, yep, my friends had set me up. Their daughter’s birthday is the day before mine so we both had Happy Birthday sung to us Kobe style. I got to wear a hat and everything. My husband swears that he did not know until we walked in and our friend told him, but looks like he’s getting his way. Not only did we have a blast at Aquatica, because there are nine of us we had the hibachi table ourselves and we had a great time. I can honestly say I thought to myself if this is how it going to go, I may be in for a great birthday after all.

Of course it’s now birthday week so my nerves are a wreck. Still I’m optimistic. I’m hosting a CAH party on Friday to kick of the weekend. It will be full of wonderful witches with a wicked sense of humor, so I know it will be great. Saturday plans are currently up in the air since I have the school meet and greet for my baby girl’s school, but I’m hoping to do something with my family after. Maybe something out of the ordinary (will see). Sunday has Yoga by the Bay which I’m hoping to get to, some unplanned time in the middle, and then dinner with the same friends from Orlando (this time without the kiddies) at the Melting Pot, yummy!!! Monday on the big day, hubby and I both took the day off. So after dispersing the kids to school we are planning a day enjoy each other’s company. No plans are solidified and I’m good with that. To end the day with cake once everyone gets home.

There are no looming storms brewing in the Atlantic, I am doing extra dosing myself with Vitamin C starting today, and all home and family issues are currently and pleasantly on the shelf. It’s not an all-out bash or anything, but considering it’s a good start.

Grateful

May. 5th, 2016 07:15 am
fariewytch77: (Default)
I'm grateful for my husband. He is so wonderful. He is my rock, my base, my shelter in the storm.

I'm grateful for my children, finding joy in them makes the hardest parts of life easier.

I'm grateful for my friends, I know I can rely on them if for nothing more than to listen to me rant and rave.

I'm grateful for my yoga, which out with I might have never relaxed after yesterday's shitstorm

I'm grateful for my chiropractor who is making my back pain better.

I'm grateful that Hubby has a job that might allow me to quit if things don't get better at work. (Another post)

I'm grateful for my life.

I'm grateful that I can remember to be grateful.

I'm grateful!

Journaling

Apr. 21st, 2016 10:38 pm
fariewytch77: (Default)
So Its been a while since I've written. Life gets so hectic you don't even think about its. I'll write tomorrow, then its next week, before you know it, it has been months and nothing.

It's not like I haven't been writing. I blogged, I write up what I need for a segment for a podcast, I wrote two workshops, and I spend all day typing at work. Actually that may be the biggest factor to not journaling more often. Sometimes I just don't want to look at a computer anymore by the time I get home.

My previous computer was impossible to take anywhere which did not help. That and the battery would last for anything. Word would crash regularly and the internet would work sporadically at best, even at home. Oh and some of the buttons didn't work. Still I got other stuff done so its not completely the reason I didn't journal either.

Honestly, I'm not really sure why I stopped. It is something I want to change. I want to start journaling again. I need to. Sometimes just to vent, sometimes to just write, and sometimes just to say something nice happened. What ever the reason, its time to make time in my life for journaling again.

So goal for the remainder of this year - try to write one journal entry a week.
fariewytch77: (Default)
Is been so long since I check LJ & even longer since I've written anything here. Wow time files.

Life is so busy at home there is not much time for extras.

The main home remodeling project is finally seeing the end of its run. We are at details. Tedious and slow but, but details always signal the end. Where does this go now that we moved that, are we keeping that, why are we keeping that, do we use this wall plate or that wall plate. This doesn't look right let's move it, oh shoot we forget to add this wire bring the TV down again. This is my life!!!

My life has all but stopped because of this remodeling. No space, no time, no energy for yoga (or at least no more than yoga stretches though out the day). No way to keep a normal schedule to allow for walking. Not when the plan for the day takes 2 hours longer to do than planned as the consensus meetings require 3 & 4 explanation repeats to my mother who argues that everyone patronizes her, but then refuses to listen the first 10 times she is told something.

Honestly it's exhausting. I love her and all but sheesh.....

The worst part is that I'm at a place in my life that may cause me to leave this home I am remodeling.

Back story:

Idiot brother and I don't get along. Haven't since we were kids. He has refused to respect my privacy and contantly pushes my buttons on purpose (then he wonders why I don't hang with him). Growing up Cuban and being the older sister means I should have aquiest to him. You don't get him, he's just a little boy at heart, you have no sense of humor. No I don't get him, and when I try to get along he pulls stupid shit and says hurtful things, no his not a little boy he's a grown man who refuses to grow up. No I don't have a sense of humor when it comes to his shit, I lost it 15 years ago when he refused to respect me. Why should I give him respect and why should I acquiesce each time. Life and relationships are about balance and when it comes to him there is none!!!

So idiot brother marries bigger idiot and they have kid. She divorces him and leaves him and kid. Realizes she has nothing uses kid and idiot brothers like of intelligence to worm back into a relationship and is now idiot brothers girlfriend (whom according to her he has asked to remarry, if we believe her).

At last big blow up between idiot brother and myself he moved out of our home. Moved in with friend of family and she (hubby calls her Y because she is past being an ex and because he can't figure out why idiot brother got back together with her) moved it right with him. Y was not allowed to live in our home again as per mom & dad.

Back to present:

Idiot brother not paying rent, Y is once again sucking the money right out of him. Problems insue as usual.

Mom is now wavering on let her move back in. Says she doesn't want to and can't live with either of them and their idiocies, but do-do bird can't handle life and she can't let him be homeless and she is his choice so we have to tolerate, we can't let their baby be homeless, blah blah blah!!!

Yes he can handle life, he chooses not to, yes she is his choice and we have to tolerate not live with, I feel very bad for my nephew but this is my brothers life and sooner or later he will have to take responsibility for it.

So her current plan is when he askes to move back and bring Y with him mom will demand both of their checks go straight to her and she will give then an allowance. Yep 36 & 26 year olds will be totally ok with living on an allowance from mommy, NOT!!!! Still if they go for it it means she can manage their money and move the out faster. Per her plan.

Thing is it's not a bad plan if they could stick to it. They won't and if I'd they do six months after they leave they will be back for round 3 (yes this has been tried before).

Hubby and I are just tired of the cycle. If he moves back in with her, it's stress on everyone. They don't communicate or coordinate with anyone. They don't clean up after themselves, they let the baby run around with no supervision from them. My kids end up the babysitters stuck in there rooms to make sure he doesn't destroy them. It's even more exhausting than the current remodeling project.

The other thing I should mention is that financially it's not currently wise for us to move out and potentially disastrous for my parents who have had a few rough years with work and my mom being jobless 3 times. They are currently finally sound (hence the remodeling that the house needed). This will not last if idiot brother and Y move back in. They drain!!!!!

For us it means hubby leaving the family business which is finally making some money though not enough to give hubby the pay he deserves. This means putting his family in jeopardy too.

We are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Unfortunately we also have to think about us and our babies. We have come the the agreement that if they move back it we are giving my parents 6 months to move them out or we move out. Current estimate says April 1st, 2016 is decision day. Seems appropriate. After that it's find new job for hubby and find cheap living space until we can get on our feet.

This sucks! In so many ways it would be easier if I didn't care.

Sadly true!

Still life should get easier between now and them moving back & maybe I will get lucky and they won't or can't. My spell to have him move out after the last blow up worked and is still in place (or at least the resulting foot is) Mom has no clue I did this!!! Truth is he was heading that way anyway so he could live with Y again and if I wasn't so sure this cycle was already in place and that it would have failed anyway I might be bitching at myself for pushing him out to fast.

Oh, how I long for a boring life.
fariewytch77: (Default)
I am so proud of my baby girl. So mad that she had it happen to her, so sad for the child who tried.

Yesterday when hubby went to go pick up the kids the after school care pulled him to the side to explain what had happened.

A little boy (kindergartener) who was playing around with the other kids including my little girl (1st grader) went up to another little boy and put his head on the other boys clothed private area, which my daughter witnessed then went to my daughter and told her he was going to go diggin in her private parts and placed his head on her clothed stomach to move down. She pushed him away and went straight to the teacher. She and the other boy told on the boy who had done this. The after school people placed him on time out & then told his father what had happened when he came to pick up his son.

I'm so proud of her. I constantly tell my older son about this stuff, but and had told her occasionally something, but hadn't really tried to emphasize the issue (after all she's only a 1st grader) then a few weeks ago I had taken the to the doctor for there annual check up & the doctor had told them both not to let anyone touch them. Knowing the questions would come, I went into full mom must explain mode and majorly stressed that no one should touch without concent and that they were both to young to understand what they were consenting to so they couldn't consent. Told them no matter who it was that they had nothing to fear because they would not get in trouble (unless they lied), that no matter how much they were told they would by the person who tried to touch them that they wouldn't because the one who would get in trouble was the toucher. They knew that what they were doing was wrong so that's why the wanted it kept a secret. That rape was illegal!!! Promised them both that I we would never think bad of them and in fact would be proud that they stood up and told the truth. I just didn't expect it to happen within two weeks of this conversation.

But yesterday thats what happened. My little girl said to me she remembered what I said and she went straight to tell a teacher. She had no fear and thankfully doesn't seem to be to upset about the whole thing.

Which brings me to mad. Nothing happened to her, she stopped it and knew what to do, but seriously she's only a little girl. This sucks and the other little boy who, what would he have done, would he have told if it wasn't for my little girl. What if this would have been an older child trying this and more or worse an adult. Ugh!!!!!

Yet instead if being mad a the little boy I find that I am sad for him. The fact that he said diggin, that he said private part instead of something else. There all indications that this little boy saw something he shouldn't have or that something happened to him. How traumatizing for him. My daughter said that she wasn't going to be friends with him anymore and we had to say to her to not judge him to harshly. That he might not have know what he was doing was wrong. It goes against everything I believe to sit there and say to her to give someone who tried to touch her a second chance, but this little boy has never done anything else to her or anyone else. She plays with him regularly. Goodness he is only a kindergartner.

So we explained to her that as long as her never tried anything again, she should be ok to be friends with him but if he did she should tell on him again & then not be fiends with him. We also had to tell her not to tell the whole school what happened unless he tried something again.

It's so sad. Whatever he saw, those won't words or actions of a curious child or even a molesting or disturbed child. They where of a child imitating with in their child's mind limits, reenactment of something they saw or worse.

As a parent it's so hard to tell your kids about the real monsters and you want to hide them from the truth for as long as you can and while this little boy isn't a monster yet, but if he hadn't been told on, what could it have lead to? If I hadn't just talked to her would my little girl have said something?

So proud, so mad, so sad!

Day 2

Apr. 8th, 2015 12:47 am
fariewytch77: (Default)
Ok so looked into blogging today and wow it's a lot more complicated than I realized. Know someone who blogs so will message her for advice.

Until I decided journaling will have to do!!!! (Such a hardship, not)

So today I went for a walk around a little area in dadeland, it's nice and scenic and I had time to kill until hubby got done with PT. I walked for 25 minutes and 1.6 miles. I was winded but not short of breath and totally exhilarated.

Hubby met up with me and we went to the Panera Bread in the same area where I had my new favorite food the Lentil Quinoa Chiken Broth Bowl! Absolute nom nom!!!!!

Got home and did a twenty minute beginners yoga I found on YouTube, Yoga with Adriene. She has a 30 day challenge I think I'm going to try once I feel I have refreshed my basics. It was it was so good but downward facing dog was really hard on my wrists.

Afterward I found a meditation through J bitter sweet also on YouTube that I tried. It was Day 1 of 30 day challenge. She did some explanation and then a 5 minute mediation. I like it and I'm going to try day 2 tomorrow, will see how it goes.

I've been reading some of the suggestions posted about how to start/keep a yoga practice and how to start running. The my have some really great suggestions. Example, morning yoga 10 minutes. Layout mat by bed so it's the first thing you step on. Plant the idea of doing yoga in your mind. Going to try this!!!!

So excited!!!!
fariewytch77: (Default)
So I have never been a runner, you could say I'm allergic to it. I'm asthmatic and overweight, not the right mix for running. Today I got invited to do a different kind of triathlon, yoga/meditation/5K. Yoga is one of my goals for the year & while I can do it meditation is something I have been wanting to get better at so 2/3's of this triathlon is something I can really get into, but the running scares the crap out of me!!!!

So I hit maybe on the invite and started thinking, do I really want to try this? Turns out that it's a yes. Maybe I'm crazy and I'm not sure I can run a 5K even with 7 months but I really want to do this. Motivation to get healthier and work on my goals.

So starting today I'm training for a triathlon. Thinking I may try to blog/journal/write about this. (Another one of my goals)

Possible names:
A non-runners journey to a 5K
My path to yoga & a 5K

Either way my first entry:

4/6 - today I did 30 minutes of introduction yoga, walked for 20 minutes with some very very light and awkward jogging and did a 7 minute work out I have been trying to do daily for a few days now. Meditation up next.

Wish me luck!
fariewytch77: (Default)
Hubby and I have great sex life when we have one most nights we are both so tired and its already past midnight that neither of us put for the energy for sex. Still it's a not so public goal of mine to manage to have sex at least once or twice a week this year.

Last year between the boot, the surgery, the soft cast, the hard cast, the pain and swelling once out of the cast, sex became a wishful thought. It's not possible to feel sexy and all hot and bothered when you have to spend a considerable amount of energy just to keep you leg in a position that it a. Won't be in the way and b. Won't hurt!!!

This year I'm finally getting back to normal and finally feeling as if I don't have to accommodate everything just to have uncomfortable sex. So we ended the new year with sex, started the new year with sex and woke up on the first day of the new year and had more sex!!! Yeah for us!!! We managed to have sex at least once more that weekend then the real world crashed in on us. Kids got sick and school with all its ridiculous amounts of homework started, the hubby began PT for his foot (he has plantar fascia) and got a night cast. Then I got sick and my asthma and bronchitis kicked in.

We had been managing to have sex a at least once every weekend, until a few weekends ago, when I got sick again. Sex and not breathing do not mix. Finally had sex last night and it felt so good, but of coarse it's a work night so it was after 1 am when I went to sleep (to not sleep very well as stated in last post). I don't regret last night. I'm tired and really don't want to work, but I don't regret it.

What I regret is that this is what it has come down to. Personal goals to have sex at least once or twice a week. Mostly on weekends! Sigh!!!!!!

I would love to have the energy for sex nightly and maybe I'm being unrealistic cause hello 2 kids, late 30's, very busy schedules, and a house full of interruptions is probably not the point in a persons life where nightly sex is possibly, but damn it is should be!!! Especially with someone you enjoy sex with, and I most definitely do enjoy sex with hubby!!!

Anywho!!! The point to today's rant isn't really to rant, but to put it down that this is a goal!!!! That I want to find the energy for once or twice a week and more if possible, that now that I am feeling better we can finally get back to interesting and not so position specific for accommodations sex. It's to clearly line out all the issues preventing it and remind myself that this is a want, a need, and bonus, it's a good exercise and very good for my health!! It's to remind myself that even when I'm tired and I didn't get enough sleep it was worth it!!!!
fariewytch77: (Default)
This is getting ridiculous, I just want to sleep. I just got an upgrade on my Fitbit and have just started tracing my sleep. Wow I really don't sleep!!!! Most days I get less than 6 hrs and that includes at least 2 - 4 wake ups and somewhere around 30-50 minutes of restless sleep.

No wonder I am always tired!!!!!

I really just want to sleep well when I sleep is it to much to ask?

At least I can track it now. This may need medical intervention, though I'm going to try a few things first, I really don't want sleep med's.

2014 Goals

Jan. 11th, 2015 10:52 pm
fariewytch77: (Default)
It’s that time of year again. It’s time to review my list of goals for 2014 and see how well I did. I don’t do new year’s resolutions but my coven rededicates each year at Imbolc and we set a list of goals for ourselves and for the coven to do for the year. I had a lot of goals for this year…

1. Prepare an emotional healing moon (seagull). So I did this early on last year in April, the ideas were blooming from the start and I it came out so well. I did this meditation that had everyone become a seagull. Everyone had to nourish themselves with something they need from the sea and then soar to heavens to get a message from the gods. It was beautiful and I think everyone enjoyed it very much. Since I had gotten it done early I released this goal and Mabon.

2. Working with Polar Bear energy. The card read “Stand up for yourself and speak your truth respectfully and compassionately, with no attachment to outcome.” So this card ended up being about my personal self, rather than my magical practice. I have had several encounters this year that speaking my truth has resulted in better outcomes that I expected and even the ones that ended in not so great outcomes ended with me parting ways with something or someone unnecessary in my life, so I consider this a win anyway. I didn’t realize how often I held my tongue only to blow up when it all got to be too until I stopped holding it in. So this energy has been good for me. While I am releasing this as a goal, this is an energy I plan to continue to work on in my life. I will speak my truth, for whatever the outcome may be at least it will be an honest one.

3. Read one chapter a month from Farie Teachings. So this one started off real well. Along with Meeow712 we were keeping a good pace of about a chapter a month. And kept this pace up for at least half the year. Or right up until surgery interfered. Between pain and post surgery brain, I wasn’t feeling magickal at all. Truthfully even my fictional reading slowed drastically and nothing keeps me from my smut novels, so that is saying a lot. Still I started the year with one chapter read and I am ending the year on Chapter 11, which I think is great considering. I’m going to be releasing this goal this goal and replacing it with finishing this book and starting book 2, The Tree of Enchantment. Plus Orion is coming out with a new book which I am pre-ordering tonight…Yippee, I can’t wait.

4. Read 2 other Pagan/Wiccan books. Oops, this one did not go as well as I would have liked. I will finish one book, the Candle and the Crossroad, another Orion book. I’m seeing a theme here. Still considering everything that has gone on with my ankle and the surgery I am happy with this fail. I am going to be releasing this goal though. I’m not sure if I going to add another similar one or if I just going to go with the reading flow. Must think about this....

5. Work with Zeus and Hades connection. So this sort of went nowhere, while I have a working small and shared altar for Zeus and outside area for offerings to Hades and have been keeping up with offerings as I have felt the need to, but I have come to the conclusion and they have played a big part of number 2. I think I have needed their help and energy to tap into the polar bear’s energy. This feels right and ties into the feeling I had from the beginning. I felt that I had something to figure out with their energy and I am pretty sure I’ve done that. I’m going to release this goal as well. I don’ plan to stop working with them, but I don’t feel the need to make it a goal at least not for the next year.

6. Keep working with Hecate, a. organize a better offering at TTT, b. continue working on regular practice, c. attend at least one Numenia. So I’m really happy with this goal. The offering at TTT was better organized, in the TTT program and was attended by around 30 people. It was awesome. My regular practice has continued quite well and even when I wasn’t able to do so because of my surgery, she pulled at hubby so he was bringing her offerings. As for the Numenia, I believe I only got to attend one, so at least I accomplished that. Plus she got a whole ritual at TTT which I participated in, so I repeat I am really happy with how goal worked out. Working with Hecate has been on my goals list for several years. This is a goal I am going to have to think about. I’m releasing this one specifically and I feel like I am in a really good place with my working with her, but I am not sure I don’t want to have a goal that involves working with her. Must consider.

7. Become more involved in pagan community, EMLC/TTT. I think I did well on this goal. I only got to one EMLC meeting which I am not happy with, but I did do a workshop at TTT, help out in main ritual and in planning main ritual, run the wreath contest again and I am hoping to contribute a poem to the EMLC podcast for Imbolc. I’m just waiting to hear back on a technical issue to be able to send it off. I’m keeping this goal. I want to be more active in the community and feel I need to keep working on it so, so while happy this goal is staying on the books.

8. Get a butterfly tattoo for Psyche – DONE and so BEAUTIFUL. I love my tattoo. I am so happy with it I just love to look at it. Psyche is happy to. Of course now I want like twenty other tattoos, I want keys, a tree of life, a Disney tattoo (undecided what), hearts, and like a million other things. Must pace myself….. plus hubby and I have a deal. One tattoo me, one tattoo him and with money tight its limited funds for tattooing. But I can’t wait for my next one. I released this goal to at Mabon, so yeah me.

9. Draw up an official will – Still have not accomplished this one. This may have to roll over till next year (I still have a few weeks left before Imbolc), but it will get done. Thinking of buying the software to make them up and do it ourselves and get then get a few copies notarized. This may be the best solution.

10. Continue working on health – Ok so this one got a lot more complicated than just dieting like I expected. My ankle needed a whole work up to it and I consider this working on my health since a bad ankle means having issues exercising, but my dieting went nowhere. It’s so hard to diet and put the energy into it when you’re in pain and unable to do the simplest things like walking or showering on your own. Still I think I am back on track with this for now as I am starting to walk more and eat healthier again since I can control what I feed myself rather than rely on my mom’s cooking or my hubby making something specific for me to avoid mom’s cooking. He’s been great this year with all this, so to add one more thing to his plate seemed cruel. Still I am going to release this goal and replace it with something a little more specific. Do yoga once a week, keep journaling my food since it helps keep track of calories), or something along those lines. This may even turn into a few different goals

11. Go back to school – ok so this is not going to happen. Originally I thought that I might find and on line course to finish my bachelors, but unless I go into Criminal Justice, nothing a FIU would talking me anywhere I would want to go and Criminal Justice will only help me if my office makes changes and I can take that and some account courses to go further in my current unit at work. Currently this will not help. So at Mabon I decided to change this to start Georgian training, which means I have to officially ask to start taking Georgian training…which I was totally going to do, as soon as I felt up to it after surgery, which I have not felt up to tackling at all, up to now. So I will consider this goal incomplete, but I will officially asking my HP/HPS before Imbolc arrives.

In wrap up I am happy with my goal list for 2014, even with the surgery adding major hiccups to the goals I got a lot accomplished and I am happy with this. Now it’s time to start working on my 2015 goals list. Can’t wait to find out what do I plan to accomplish this year!!!!
fariewytch77: (Default)
So things happen in the shower for me. Not sure why but where I dont remember dreams often, in showers I get really zoned and in tuned. It's funny I don't really have a deity that associates specifically to water. Though rain/storms are there and it's an aspect of Hecate I need to work more on. So why showers do it for me who knows.

Still last night I zoned in the shower. I got that something big is about to explode in my life. Not sure if it's a good or bad explosion, but the pressure was bursting to pop and whatever is behind it is big. The Morrgain came to my thouhts with all the spinning she has been doing around the coven and the so far subtle hits I have gotten. But I got the sense that she was part of my future but not behind the force I felt. Oya sort of pushed her way in and her presence felt right as part of that pressure, she was all like I need attention too. I recently found out someone I know connects with her and I haven't had a really chance to talk to him. Orishas though my coven works with them, and I knew that they would play a part in my witchy life sooner or later, I have been hoping and working towards later. I guess I'm going to have to go with sooner & by sooner I get the feeling she means now.

This brings up a small problem for me. My middle name is Barbara as in St Barbara as in Chango and considering we have a statue of her that my parents give offerings to and that I my parents gave me the middle name on purpose in her honor ,I have always figured that my witchy life would lead to Chango. So last night after Oya I got the distinct impression that he was not going to be happy if he did not get attention and she did. Talk about a force!!!!!

It really felt like there was a few something else's too but I couldn't tell you who or what they were. I had the feeling like it was a dam about to break and what would flow through was going to be chaotic and would sweep away a lot of crap from my life. I have been working with the idea of prosperity. The amulet I made at Tides is for prosperity, and at the Dark Rider working that is the road I asked his help with. So I am aware that to clear the path for prosperity some stuff had to go, but this seems huge and slightly frightening so if the dam has anything to do with this working and I had a felling it did along with Oya, Chango and the other unknowns when the dam breaks of the force pops how ever this works, I'm not sure it will be all good at least initially, though I know that it will be for the best.
fariewytch77: (Default)
I had a great weekend. I was so worried about it and there was so much to worry about. My foot that I had surgery on in September was still in a walking boot and all the logistics that come with that. My 11 year old son was coming for the second year, he is normally a good kid but it is always a worry. I had the wreath contest I was running again which last year had secretly left me sick at having to stand in front of everyone. Last year I got through it, but I felt for my standards that I had done a horrible job. I had main ritual which I had a part to speak in to worry about, that always leaves me a worried mess. I had the Hecate midnight devotional which I had written a chant for last year, but this year was getting published in the weekend itinerary and would draw a bigger crowd, which I would then have to teach the chant to. Lastly and most importantly I had the workshop on ritual etiquette and ritual basics I was putting on with Meeow712. My worse and unconquered fear. In recent years I have been told more than once I don't come off as or appear to be an introvert. This is great because it means all my hard work has been paying off. I no longer feel awkward saying hello to strangers, no longer feel like a wallflower at new events, and most of all I am no longer afraid to voice my opinion when I need to. I struggle with all of them every once in a while but they no longer rule me. BUT and this is a big but I absolutely dread speaking in public. To stand and actually teach or provide a scripted speech for any length of time, this is my worst nightmare waiting to happen. I will forget how to talk, for get how to read, for get how stand, or will just some how end up naked in front of everyone.


I have been working on this steadily for years and running ritual has helped me. But even when you are running ritual there are three million other things to take attention away from you. Other people doing things giving you moments where you aren't the center of attention at all times. You even have moments where your are participating instead of leading depending on what is going on. This is not true of a workshop and even though it was two of us (thankfully), it was just the two of us the whole time. On top of that there was time management to worry about, questions to answer, and the knowledge that we were possibly being recorded for a podcast. Not sure the last happened but I knew the possibility existed and that was enough.

In spite of my nightmares, the workshop went off great. Meeow712 and I had a great rhythm going. I think we were informative, we time managed almost perfectly, and we answered questions without any hitches and usually with, we're getting to that. The few questions asked that we did not cover were easy enough to answer and the suggestions were often into the more technical points which as basics workshop I felt that while glad they were brought up, did not necessarily need to get covered. I did not forget how to talk, did not stumble, my clothes stayed on my body, and the world did not come to an end. I got through it and actually enjoyed it.

The funny thing is after all that worrying, it was smooth. At least thats how it felt like to me.

Sadly not everyone that should have attended our workshop did. That evening a main ritual we had one of the worse ritual etiquette breakers that I had ever seen. She was drunk and sloppy and loud. The woman wouldn't stop laughing and had the nerve to sing Kumbaya. Seriously, Kumbaya!!!!!! I almost died, actually I almost said something nasty to her. I really would have if it wasn't for all the great witches that were there. Rubibees and Greenwapiti were standing right next to me and spent most of the time trying to chant to keep her in from having an audience and so many of the other people followed along with them or tried to keep drunk lady in line. My lips burned to say something, burned and bursting with the need to put her into her place. Any other time or place I think, no I know I would have, but I just didn't want to stoop to her level, believed deep down that it would only give her more attention than she was worth. Plus since the ritual was honoring Hecate and we had evoked her present to circle in the form of three women who were channeling her, I knew that drunk lady would pay for her behavior. If hadn't been certain on those two points or if all the other wonderful witches hadn't been trying to help the situation, or heck if she had managed to disturb Meeow712 (who was unaffected by drunk lady) while she was channeling Hecate I would have said something and the word bitch would have been part of it.

I was so angry with her it even managed to override my fear and worry of what I had to say in ritual. I had gotten through the initial part with only a slight stumble due to inhaling smoke from the fire. (I really need to stop doing that) I had memorized what I needed to say and remembered it so I was already doing great. The rest was to be improv and I was super worried about forgetting something, and after the initial stumble I would have normally worried more, but I was so steamed that I forgot to worry. Not that this excuses her of her bad behavior, but at least something good came from it.

After ritual it was hang out time. the midnight devotional the night before had been awesome, we drew a big group and Hecate got lots of offerings and love. The workshop and main ritual were done and I decided I wasn't going to worry about the wreath contest. So it was time to kick back and relax. I have recently discovered that I am no longer allergic to rum so I have been working at building a tolerance for it and that night seem like the perfect night for rum drinking, after all we had Kraken (insert happy dance) and coke and good friends. We hung out in front of one of the cabins until a sleepy cabin resident settled in at which time the group split off into smaller groups. I ended up at the main hall talking about sex and desires. This happy conversation continued until others wandered in to the great hall and someone came looking for me because my son had woken up. He loves coming to Tides, loves ritual, and especially loves he independence I give him for the weekend (something he does not get the rest of the year), so having him get up and look for me at 2 AM caused immediate worry and instantly killed my buzz. He knows after midnight its cabin time unless it's an emergency. Alas the it was, some drunk guy had stumbled into our cabin and had thrown up all over the floor in between Meeow712 and my bunks. My son takes the top of my bunk and the drunk had woken him up then stumbled on to Meeow712 bed and then thrown up, my half asleep son watching. Another cabin member had gone in search for help and he wandered out looking for me. By the time I got to him to see to his well being he was already being calmed by some of the best witches I know. (Big thanks to all of them) At that time I was also told what was happening back at our cabin and that Greenwapiti was handling the drunk. Seeing my son calm I made one of the hardest decisions a parent has to make, I walked away, then secretly kept tabs while he wasn't paying any attention. I hated walking away, but he was happy and calm and I figured the best way to keep him that way was to leave him alone. Then Greenwapiti & Rubibees cleaned up the cleaned up the mess in our cabin. I'm glad they were there, the walking boot does not make for easy bending and cleaning the floor would not have been easy. So after that mess was done Rubibees came and got my son, who had by then joined me in the main hall and took him back to the cabin so they could both get some rest. Meeow712 then got sick, which we later found out that she wasn't grounded after channelling Hecate and drunk guy threw up on her Hecate bag where Hecate's statue was.(Coincidence, I think not) She got sick within 30 minutes of the incident. She was silly and buzzed, but she was not drunk, and not I'm gonna be sick drunk for sure. I stayed up with her and some others until I knew she would be ok, then around 4 AM hit the bed.

The next morning the full extent of the damage from drunk guy came to light. Not only had he destroyed Hecate's bags, but he had also irreversibly damaged the books I had brought as prizes for the wreath contest. I had a money kit that I was giving, necklaces that I was given to use as prizes, and the books. I was also supposed to have a resin to give away, but that never quite made it to my hands (I guess it has another purpose). This meant that I was now short on gifts. Thankfully I was sure Beachfyre had at least one of the categories won, so I could get away with having less if necessary. My coven understands. Still knowing this I now had to go count the ballots and give away prizes. Maybe its the fact that so much had gone wrong with the prizes, maybe it was the lack of sleep, maybe it was just that I was feeling more confident because of how the rest of the weekend had gone, but calling out the winners and giving the prizes was a breeze. I felt like I nailed it. I also got to watch my son playing Battle of the Witches. I love that he has no issues jumping in, that he is so eager to join the fun, and that he really doesn't care if he knows the answers, because he was there to have fun. I seriously hopes that never changes.

It was then time for closing ritual which, like opening ritual was wonderful and a lot more crowded than I am used to. Hubby picked us up along with our daughter who is desperately wanting to come to Tides with me. I am so not ready for that, but at least she got to see the sight. We then went home and the world went back to its usual crazy self. It's always sad to leave, but in many ways I was so ready to go home. Still I have so many ideas that came out of this year's Tides. I have a gift idea I want to make for the raffle and as one of the prizes for the wreath contest, I have a book exchange I want to consider, I have any ideas for the Hecate devotional for next year and dan dan ta dan..... I'm already considering another workshop. Ideas are a blooming.
fariewytch77: (Default)
So I have succeeded in having two decent birthdays’ in a row. Last year I went the “I'm not really celebrating it” route and it worked. Hubby and I got away for the weekend and kept it simple, so that went very well. This year I tried not to worry about it too much, I took the day off from work and expected to go to two different doctor’s appointments and not do much else. My mom had said she would cook me a birthday dinner with one of my favorite meals so I had that to look forward to.

Instead, my birthday began the day before at work when I was given a small party at work. This is fairly normal for everyone's but usually it small, rushed, and slightly harassing. This year my friend and my boss got together and behind my back and invited my extended departments. Everyone showed up on time and even though I knew they were doing it, I got the best surprise when I saw my cake. My friend and called the bakery and told then I loved, purple and fairies. The lady at the bakery told her she had the perfect cake. I got a Winx Club birthday cake. It was perfect. I don't think they could have picked a better cake. I get to enjoy a cake with fairies and I get to give my daughter the toys from the cake. I had a great time and didn't feel the need to rush back to work, plus when I did try, my boss told me to take it easy, that I was off the next day anyway and it was the end of the day. Awesome.

The next day my three day birthday weekend began with one of my appointments already cancelled and the other one was cancelled by 9 AM. My mom who is currently home gave me a new hair-doo and we dyed my hair. Then we went to lunch at Chipotle’s. She had never been there and ended up loving it. We ran around a little and visited my grandmother then we came back home to hang out for a little until it was time to pick up the kiddy's from school. We picked up my little ones then went to pick up my nephew from daycare, did a quick stop for shoes, since little man's feet grew overnight and he had no shoes that fit. He went to daycare in sandals :). When we got home, both kids cooperated with homework and my mom started on dinner. She made one of my favorites that my grandmother (her mother) used to make, what my grandma called Pollo al la Chinfina. We recently looked up the recipe and they are not the same, but she used to make a fabulous dish. My mom had not been so successful in making my grandmother's recipe, that night she hit it out of the park. It was awesome. Delicious, mouth watering and best of all everyone loved it which meant no family dinner drama.

Saturday started a little on the harassed side, trying to get the kids, my parents, my brother and nephew out the door as they were all heading to Hollywood Beach to visit family and go to the beach. But by 10:30 AM I was alone!!!!! The best birthday gift ever. My kids gone, my hubby at work, the house to myself and nothing to do. I hung out in bed like a slug watching TV until 3 PM when hubby got home. Then it was shower, leftovers from last night’s delicious diner and hot kinky and not so quite sex. This was the second best present of the day, only really possible because of the first, lol. Then it the horde arrived home and everyone was exhausted, so it was a calm, casual, and restful night to.

Sunday the mundane arrived as we had laundry to do and homework to finish, but even then it was a pretty casual day. That night I went with my hubby and some friends to Rok Burger and had a wonderful time. May and I had some drinks, I tried Funky Buddha’s Blueberry Beer, and I had a Dirty Martini that had olives stuffed with blue cheese and were wrapped in bacon. She had the Lychee Martini and Pomegranate Martini. We then ordered the Meatloaf that was spectacular. We talked and laughed and relaxed. It was the perfect way to end my birthday weekend.

It was so nice not to have anything go wrong for my birthday and because I share my birthday month with a very cool and awesome witchy friend I even got to hand out with my witchy friends the weekend before playing CAH & drinking some more . Hopefully this is a starting trend. Would love to actually look forward birthday.
fariewytch77: (Default)
So last night I got this song in my head and it wouldn’t go away. Hecate by Wendy Rule began to spinning in my head around ten last night and just kept playing even as I fell asleep. I knew that the next day was her festival so I didn’t think anything of it, then came the witching hour. Around three in the morning I woke from what I assumed was a dream, one that I can’t remember. Looked half heartedly at the clock, just enough to register the time starting with a 3. From that moment on until I woke in the morning I drifted in and out of sleep and dreamed. Sometimes the dreaming happened in the liminial state where you are not asleep but you’re not awake either.
The dreaming was sort of fluid like, I would dream and come to a more awakened state and fall right back into the dream right where I had left off and each time I came awake I would have Hecate playing in my head.
The dream began in slow flowing flashes of a main ritual at the only festival I attend. Gathering, circling, calling quarters then I could see the set up of what we were doing. A person would step forward say something starting and ending with the same basic words changing only the necessary. It was a ritual in Hecate’s honor. Each person was coming forward with a different Sabbat of the year stating what Sabbat they were speaking of and how that Sabbat was her Sabbat. In between each Sabbat I kept hearing a voice stating a good friend who was suppose to be planning a ritual in her honor for this festival was not capable of handing this (not doing it, handling it) and then I would hear the names of three other women. I could only hear certain parts of the ritual itself and even as each Sabbat was called out I could only hear bits and pieces, but I could hear the same words repeated over and over. The other thing I kept somehow hearing or seeing is how each Sabbat was linked to another and how the whole wheel was a crossroads. The dream itself also seemed to get louder and louder in my head, moving faster and faster so that even as I was leaning towards an awakened state I could hear the words, and then once I was awake I would swing back into the song. It got bad enough that I finally came fully wake around 5 am and had to write it down. Once I did this the dreaming and the song seem to slow down giving me slightly longer periods of rest until my alarm went off around 6:30.
I know my friend is super freaked out about this ritual. She has stated that she doesn’t want to be the face everyone sees and judges. I also know she puts together awesome rituals so I know she’s capable of this. Her other problem seems to be that she feels it the wrong time and doesn’t quite connect year and the timing of it to Hecate and therefore cannot come up with any ideas of what she should do. She has stated that she is going to ask for suggestions from her group and I have in a previous discussion with her suggested she talk to our High Priestess about her worries and issues. I told her that she doesn’t have to be the face, just as the others have told her this. Still I don’t think she believed me or them.
I don’t want to take this away from her, and I am not even sure this ritual that I dreamed up was a concept that 1 works and 2 was actually meant to be a ritual. I almost got a feeling that it was a message from Hecate saying that she doesn’t fit into a mold and that she does fit for this festival even if my friend doesn’t think so. The message about my friend worries me more. Are we suppose to take the pressure off of her and come up with the ritual without her, are we suppose to help her do this with our support, is she capable of handling even that much stress relating to the whole event.
So in the morning I texted one of the ladies mention and we spoke about the dream in a very brief manner and asked her if she had had any crossroad, Hecate dreams and it turns out that she had even if they were vague.
I haven’t contact either of the other ladies yet and am hoping think and talk about this with other before I do.
The song still hasn’t left my head. All day long I have had that song and a song about a river in my head. The river song is funny because the main ritual space is next to a river even if the song is about another goddess. They alternate and even more comical is that I don’t’ know either song well enough to hear the lyrics in my head properly.
Still as I the heading of this post says Hecate is very persistent. Last time she got in my head this way I had a song for her spinning in my head and until it came out and was completed the way she wanted it did not stop. Even then the song didn’t subside in my head until it was memorized.
I wonder what I will dream of tonight.
fariewytch77: (Default)
Zee is gone!
Zee is gone!!
Zee is gone!!!

Sigh,

I wish she was completely gone, but she has moved out and has taken the only class she has to take in order for the divorse to finalize. Yeah!!! Idiot brother still lends her the car and she took all there income tax money like we told him she would. But step one - get her out of the house is done!!!!!

Now I just have to sit back and wait. She is bound to tick off her new boss/landlord. She is bound to end up getting fired and then not being able to pay the rent. This is an on going theme with her. Then when she's out on her ass and homeless, I we are going to offer to pay for her to move up with her mother and she'll be gone, gone, gone!!!!

The only other acceptable possiblity is that she finally gets it though her head that she needs help and straightens her head out. Personally I don't think this is going to happen until the first one happens and even then it might never. But honestly it not my problem. We have offered her a home and help and she threw it back it our faces.

I dont' wish her ill, I hope she straightens out, and maybe one day can be a good mom to little man, but until then she needs to go, all the way go.

Weird Dream

Jun. 2nd, 2014 09:12 am
fariewytch77: (Default)

So I rarely remember my dreams & when I do they are never complete. This past week though I don't remember when it had one involving my ears & earrings. I don't remember who I was with, where I was or what I was doing. The only thing I remember is a unidentified woman grabs a hold of my chin, moves my face to look at my exposed ears and says. You are letting my holes close. Then in a very disapproving voice says. Don't let it happen. - and remember nothing else. I really don't even remember what she looks like. I remember the voice more than anything else.

The other thing is I didn't even know I had the dream until I went to put ion earrings Saturday afternoon. As I was putting on the first earring, the dream came back to me.

The funny thing is that I have four holes (two on each ear), but I only really use two. Lately if haven't been putting earrings on those either. I need to find suitable hypoallergenic earrings I can wear. I only really have one pair white gold and lately they bother me too. I wear hoops occasionally but if I wear them too long by ear gets crusty & I have to go a week without them.

I guess I need to go earring shopping!!

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fariewytch77

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