fariewytch77: (Default)

I am so having mommy issues today. My baby boy is in Sea World by himself. Ok ok not by himself as he is with his school, but darn it we aren't with him. Having major anxiety issues all day long! Cried when he got on the bus this morn. Have had to harass him about his meds once & will do so at least one more time. Need to breath!! He Will Be Fine is today's mantra.

He's growing up so fast.

fariewytch77: (Default)
Ok so I usually do not talk about my sex life, it’s not something I usually feel the need to express or feel that people want to hear. Don't get me wrong, it’s a great, awesome, and interesting sex life, but as it is with the same man I have been having said sex with for the last 17 years and I have never truly had someone to talk to about it as some would have freaked out and others would have cringed and say you don't talk about those things, it something I rarely talk about.
Sex magic is also area I have never explored. Hubby is not witchy and not interested in being witchy. As this area belongs to him I never bothered to look it up or study up on it, which brings me to today's post.

WTF was that last night. It started out normal enough and for the most part was as vanilla, as we get. Not that we're super kinky, but kinky we can and usually are (it keeps things interesting). We were both tired and hadn't managed to hook up all week: kids that won't sleep + stress + bad work week for both of us = no sex for us :(
Still last night we heat up, lots of kissing and feeling and then Hubby's amazing tongue does wonders to me. Several orgasms, some repositioning and other fun stuff later, we get to the main event. A couple more o’s for me (yes I am very orgasmic, yeah for me) & hubby gets to his happy place bringing to my final orgasm. This is where things get weird… I went supernova, it took forever with wave after wave crashing thru me and things got fuzzy, really fuzzy almost as if I wasn’t here anymore right as or just before it happens. I’d gone dimensional. The world and hubby blurred as it went on and on and then suddenly it stopped, hard stop, and I was done. Not just done, I was spent. I had little to no energy left, rolled over to get water barley sipped it (and thank goodness it was out of one of those straw water bottles because I almost dropped it) and was asleep before I could blink, which is not normal for me at all.
Yes I can get sleepy and drowsy after, though just as often it I get hungry. Plus its usually cuddle time. So even when I am really sleepy and drained from the day, it’s rare either one of us give that time up. Even so the sleepy part I can get past. The extremely intense and mind altering orgasm is a different thing. I have had whoppers and really long ones too, but I have never felt like I was leaving this earthly plain.
It felt witchy and actually it almost felt as if that last one wasn’t even with hubby. Not sure if that makes sense. I could see hubby, and I know I was with him, but in that instant it almost as felt like I was jolted into the orgasm not receiving it as part of the night’s pleasures. Because I am so well sated by my last orgasm is usually a weaker and less mind blowing that the rest of them, not like the lighting strike that I experienced last night. I am really going to have to look sex magic up. Really going to have figure out where that o came from because it was not from hubby and if it happens again, really going to have to figure out how to protect myself or if I need protecting at all?
fariewytch77: (Default)

So last Thursday my mother and I had a complete breakdown of communication which ended nasty. I was sick and home all day and sitting in bed with my hubby & kids doing homework when she got home. She called out asking if I was feeling better, I called back yes. But as I was busy I did not get up to talk. She also did not come to see me. She then went to the kitchen to get the food into the oven to warm up (the cantina arrives lukewarm). She starts getting riled up, about what, I am not sure and then she starts yell across the house for something no one can hear. Mind you this is common practice in my house, we all yell across the house. It's a large house and it echoes, so it's easy to yell across the house instead of chasing everyone to get what you need. A little lazy yes, but this is how I grew up, changing this isn't happening plus both of my parents are going deaf so sometimes you have to yell in their face and use hand symbols in order to communicate. Still knowing this she doesn't stop to think. So on this day she starts yelling and I am in my room across the house trying to do homework, I yell back that I can't hear her, as my dad's tv is blaring and I am trying to finish the question I am working on with my son to go over. Before I can even make it completely off my bed I here here yell Fuck you, (me). Seriously, this all takes place in a span of no more than 5 minutes from first yell to the end of the argument. So now I am fuming. She hasn't been home 10 minutes and I am sick, none of us have any clue what is wrong and I wasn't even sure she as talking to me originally. I was going to see, because as stated my dad is deaf and had the tv blaring, so I figured we could yell until we were blue or I could go over and see what the problem was. I get over to the kitchen and wham, the bitch in me comes out. This doesn't happen often and when it comes to my parents it never manifests in a nasty way, I wasn't raised that way and if I had tried what I am about to do as a kid, I would have lost my face and been grounded forever. But suddenly I was really tired of the lack of respect and really tired that this was happening on her part more and more. Plus it seems that because she can't release her real anger issues on the persons she needs to, she takes it out on me. That day my dam broke. So I walked into the kitchen and told her first, what is your problem, second no one can hear you, you sound like your grunting from over there, and third Fuck you too. Then I walked away and didn't speak to her again until Saturday,

Yes, bad, bad me, but shame on her too.

So, Saturday she comes into my room as I am cleaning and starts the conversation by saying. I may have been a little bit out if line, but.......you where completely out of line and you have no right to speak to me that way and it was your fault for not responding. Yes, that was her response, slightly paraphrased as I honestly can't remember the exact words. My vision had gone red and my hearing had tunneled, still this time I reigned it in and responded by saying, are you done, yes then ok, please leave. I think this shocked her, she looked surprised and honestly a little disappointed she couldn't stay righteous. So then she pulled the I am not leaving. After a couple of minutes of the back and forth of I am not leaving and please leave, her demeanor finally changed. Once it had, I told her that she may not like it but if she was disrespectful to me, that I didn't have to tolerate it ,not even because she was my mom. So right or wrong I had the right to respond the way I did, and that if her mother had ever done that to her she would have responded the same way. She got huffy again said more stuff and then I said more stuff and her response was if this was the way I wanted it then fine I could stay angry then walked out. After thinking about it for a minute is followed her to her room and I basically said that no I did want to stay angry but that what I had gotten wasn't enough. She then answered, what do you want an apology I said I was wrong, didn't I? Again yes that was her answer. So I yelled back, that yes that would have been a good place to start, then walked away.

After a little while, not really sure how long, she came back and said, that I was right and that she was sorry. Then she said that she was tired of being yelled at and that she was tired, stressed, and in pain. None of this was a surprise, I have heard it all before. I looked at her and said, part of the problem is that she had stopped listening to everyone so she said, yes, yes it is all my fault. I responded no, it's not, but that she needed to listen. Example, if she has to yell to be heard from across the house, what made her think that to get a response she would not get yelled back at. That she complained that people were yelling, but we have told her many times that we couldn't hear her, especially when dad had the tv on, yet she insisted on doing it. I also told her she wasn't the only one tired, the only one who worked for twelve hours. So she said but I am older, and I looked and asked why would it be ok for her to be tired when she was younger and need to escape to her room but it wasn't me to be tired. I went on to point out other were stressed and in pain too. That the point wasn't that others had issues, but that she had stopped considering others and listening to other and was consumed with its me me me. I told she was being a hypocrite and that she was severely depressed. That this was not the first time I had told her this and that she needed help. I know that she feels abandoned because her parents and her brother have passed on, but that she was still here and she was doing nothing but working her way to abandoning us. I also told that I was positive that she was angry with my uncle for dying and that if she had to to take a dummy and put his picture on it and beat the crap out of it to feel better, than she should do it, but that she had to do something about it. She has also been saying that she thinks she has RA for over three years, which she reminded me again that day, and I looked at her and said exactly!!!! She couldn't find 5 minutes to go to the doctor in all this time. She responded that she didn't have much time. I said no that it wasn't the time, that she was punishing herself for living. Other things were said but that was the gist if it. At the end I told her that I wasn't mad at her so much because she has told me to go fuck myself, but more so for the reasons that lead up to it. She had to get help and she had to start listening. That of course I would get over it, that she was my mom, I just needed a little time.

Still getting that all out I felt so much better and I think because I shocked her my responding the way I did, she might have actually heard me this time. It's exhausting, I know this post is long and possibly slightly confusing, and I know my original response was out of line itself, but i had hit end point. I couldn't stand by and let it pass anymore. I really hope she listens, finally goes to the dr and maybe finally starts feeling better. She's angry at so much and she is so depressed and I seem to be one of the only outlets for both. I am not her verbal punching bag. I don't want to turn I into her verbal punching bag and I was coming to close for comfort. I know need to stand strong and not let things spiral as bad as they did, let's just hope she works with me on this.

Goals 2014

Feb. 24th, 2014 11:11 pm
fariewytch77: (Default)
This year when deciding on my magickal goals I decided I decided to try to control the amount of chaos in my life by filling it with goals. I figured if I was going to have a busy year like always, maybe by filling it with things I needed to do, I could keep from being overwhelmed. (We'll see how that goes). I also picked 11 goals because in the Tarot Major Arcana - XI is Justice/Strength depending on which deck you use. Justice, Truth, Balance, Strength, Patience, were all energies that seem to work with both what I wanted to achieve and with the polar bear card I had drawn to work with for this year.
Magickal Goals

1. Work with Seagull - prepare a moon evolving emotional healing. I actually have the basis for a moon already cooking in my head. I can’t wait to see how this pans out.

2. Work with Polar Bear Energy – Interesting! Associations for this card were Fearlessness, Purity, Leadership, Powerful, Provider, Self-Control, Strength, Wisdom, Nobility, Conservation, Intensity, Playfulness, and Adaptability. It’s a take charge of your life kind of card. Goes with the theme of this goals list and back to Justice/Strength card I keep pulling. So I guess I need to keep working on this. It will be interesting to see where this leads me.

3. Read 1 Chapter a Month from Farie Teachings - I am so excited about actually reading this. I wish this book was available in E-Books, I would have finished it already. The problem for me with having the physical book is that often my reading time is limited to Mass Transit. Which is not where I want to be reading this. Still working with Meeow712 and motivating each other to read once chapter a month I am hoping to work my way through it. Maybe even read more than one chapter a month.

4. Read 2 other Pagan/Wiccan Books - this is hard for me. I enjoy reading but I prefer to read fiction/fantasy it’s relaxing for me. Study books make me sleepy. Still I need to work on this so by making myself read a least two plus the Faire Teachings book, that’s what I am doing. Also, even though it not a goal for me this year, I figured I would start working on the reading list necessary for Georgian Training, this way when I finally do decide to make it a goal I have a good basis.

5. Work with Zeus/Hades connection – This one is hard to say where it will lead. I know that I keep getting pings from both of them and I know that I need to work with them, but I am not sure if there is some duality involved or what exactly is going on. I think this may connect back to some of the cards and runes I drew. It really may come down to nothing more than the need to acknowledge and work with both and maybe I am over thinking this. I don’t think so though. I really feel that there is something I need to figure out, so until I do, I will keep working on this.

6. Keep working with Hecate A. Organize better officering at TTT, B. Continue working on regular practice, C. Go to at least 1 Numenia. This goal is a continuation of last year. Hecate has involved herself in many aspects of my life, and I feel I still need to make working with here a goal. Almost has a way of honoring her, even though that is simplifying it. Still it’s the easiest way of explaining it.

7. Become more involved in pagan community - EMLC/TTT. Time is not always a luxury I have, but I need and want a deep connection to my community. I am understood there, I have a voice there, and though I don’t feel that I lack either in my day to day life, my spiritual side only gets this nourishment from this community and by becoming more involved I can give back what they give to me.

8. Get Butterfly Tattoo for Psyche – ok, it’s time. I have wanted a tattoo since before I was 18, and the farie/butterfly them for the back of my shoulder has been around that long. It has evolved from faire to butterfly but what and where I have wanted one has only evolved not changed. Psyche has had a lot to do with the evolution, she wants a butterfly tattoo and she wants it now. She has never really demanded much from me, but my as my path deepens and opens to other goddesses and gods I certainly feel she requires to not be forgotten and/or lost among the new. She has her own altar on my wall and my personal candle is on her altar so she knows I remember her. Still its tattoo time, income tax return is on its way. So hopefully be Beltane I will have a beautiful new tattoo. So excited!!!!

9. Draw up official will – necessary and lacking. I say I am going to draw one up each year and then ultimately I keep putting it off. Hopefully by making it a goal this year I will actually do it.

10. Continue working on Health – in general. I don’t want to lose a certain amount of pounds, I don’t want to have a strict exercise routine. I just want to work on a healthier way of living. Next year maybe I will put down stricter goals but this year I just want to make it a way of life. Ups and down, bad and good days, I just want to try to make better decisions.

11. Go Back to School - the possible opportunity of online schooling being paid by my job is too much to pass up on. So as long as it works out the way I have been told it should, I will be trying to go back to school. If my job doesn’t pay for it – this may get put off. This goal is based on two things, the ability to be able to school from home and the fact that I won’t have to pay for it. Here’s to a Bachelor’s Degree in my future.

It will be interesting to see if this works. That’s a lot of goals for one year and quite a few of them are not complete assignment and check off. They require long term thinking and working. Here’s to 2014 being a great year!!!!
fariewytch77: (Default)

So 2013 was once again a busy year!! I limited my goals in hopes of making it easier to accomplish and for the most part I have done or am working on it. Happy with most of my progress at least :)

1. Attend one meeting with EMLC, even if thru Internet - this one I got done in person - took it further and volunteered to help out at Turning Tides and I have even managed to ever so briefly attend a second thru conference call, though I had to hang up as I really couldn't hear half of what was going on. Going to try and expand in this next year, though I am not sure if I am making it a goal. Need it think about.

2. Keeping working with Hecate - this one I had sub-goals to accomplish. I had to finish reading the book on her I was trying to read at the time and read a second one - proud to say I got that one done. As much as I live to read, study books have never exactly been easy for me to read. Reading is a mind numbing fantasy world for me that often acts as a relaxing and meditative tool for me, study books don't quite work this way. The third was work on a daily practice - fail! Total fail but I am ok with this. My life does not have room for daily anything and I am going to revise this to work with my life. I will say that I did do very well at regular offerings to her and at honoring her, so I am happy about that. Plus, she decided she needed a chant to honor her at Turning, so I with her nudging came up with one & did a small offering to her at TTT. So all in all I am happy with this goal.

3. Read first book in Orion Farie seership series and work on Farie seership workings - did not finish. But technically started. Meeow712 and I are going to be reading a chapter a month and discussing it. The whole coven is invited to join us in reading or in many cases re-reading it and a few others might be, plus since our HP & HPS know there stuff, they are going to be helping with the breath work & hopefully the many questions we will have :). That puts this goal as a work in progress, to be revised and continued for next year. Yeah!

4. Work on obtaining better lifestyle: a. Start eating better & b. Start and stick with a exercise program - this one had its ups and downs. Was sort of doing ok with to start, but family life got really complicated and we stared ordering Cantina in order to be able to have dinner before midnight. This is where the eating well went completely down hill, there is no such thing as healthy Hispanic Cantina. We are all so sick of Cuban food it's not even working anymore either so we seriously need to come up with a better plan, but nobody who can a - be reliable and b - cook is home before 6:30 - 7 on a good day, so options are limited. Sticking to an exercise program was going better better but not great until my arm went numb and then I had to physically therapy and guess what, I now have a regular exercise program 2x's a week there. Even better it doesn't seem to be ending anytime soon and they are probably going to add core exercises to the whole thing as my new rehab md feels it might be good for me. That and weight loss, which hello was part of the original plan to begin with. So while I have lots to work on with this goal and I have not succeeded anywhere close to what I wanted I am at least working my way back to the right path.

5. Learn about and start working with Zeus - done & done. Sort of anyway, Zeus has very little information out there and what is out there leans toward Hellenic Reconstruction which does not work at all for me. Still what I read and learned was enough to give me a good basis. One of my moons this year I dedicated to him & though not his, used the runes to do a reading. The reading indicated that I would run into a block on my studies for him, and right about Samhain, wham Hades shows back up wanting attention. I also always felt that candles would not work in honoring him so instead I offer him rain water. I have a cup on my altar for his rain water and a jug I use to collect the water whenever it rains. I prefer thunderstorms, but as it is winter beggars can't be choosers, so any rain water works. Need to figure out what to do when it doesn't rain. I also have a few stones on my altar for him including one that is made when lighting hits the road that was given to me by a friend. I take time when it does rain to hail Zeus and all in all I have a good start on working with him. My cards for the upcoming year possibly indicate further growth here, but the original goal was to learn and start both which I have done, so check.

All in all I'd say it was a successful year. Next years goals are in the works. Lots to think about a little time left to decide. :)

fariewytch77: (Default)
There is something to be said about anonymity. To have a voice and not worry that voice can be connected to you in the work place or in your personal life where you would not be able to use that voice. It might take me a while to use that voice, but I will be glad to be able to use it.


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